I have been approved for the Panniculectomy and now I am waiting to see if the insurance company will approve a Breast Reduction. If they approve both, I am planning to have surgery on 11-24-08. I will be out of work for about 2 weeks (returning on 12-8-08). This will be the longest that I have ever taken off from work at a time. I am nervous about taking this much time off from work for many reasons (personal and work related, but I would say more personal). I have compiled a list of concerns that are running through my mind and there are many.
- Money - OK this is one of my biggest concerns. I am extremely tight with our budget and if I take longer to recover than I have vacation allowed, I would lose 40% of my pay. This may not seem like a lot to some people, but this is a huge amount to me and I do not want to lose any of my pay.
- I do not want to be considered an unreliable employee that does not return to work as scheduled. I come from a Military background and I have always been taught to suck it up and deal with it.
- This is during the holiday season and I do not want to worry about anyone not being able to spend time with their family if I am unable to return to work as scheduled.
- I will feel like I am letting my team down. I know that they will be fine without me, but I still worry about letting them down and putting extra work on them.
- My mom is not going to be here for this surgery. She came in for the last one and made sure that I was taken care of. I know that G will do a GREAT job at taking care of me, but it is just not the same as having your mom.
- How are my clothes going to fit when this is over?
- How much is it going to cost me to buy new clothes if my old ones do not fit? I live in my own world (everyone that knows me can attest to this) and I think that this skin is just going to come off and I am still going to be the same size and everything is still going to fit, but what if it doesn't?
- When will I be able to run again or exercise at all?
- How long before I can take a real shower and not a sponge bath?
- Will people judge me for doing this? I know I generally don't care what people think of me, but I am worried what people will think that I think of them. For example, what if someone if over weight and they find out that I have had all of this done, will they think that I do not like them, because they are over weight or will they realize that I started this journey to be a healthier person and that I am not one to judge?
- I worry that people will think that I am a different person. Trust me, I am still SAM and that will not change. I may look different and I may have started doing different things in my life (like running), but I am still SAM!!!
Reasons that I am not nervous if something goes wrong:
- I work with a great group of individuals that will be able to handle everything while I am out and I will not have to worry about work piling up while I am gone.
- I have a wonderful support system that I will make sure that I get through anything and that everything is taken care of.
- My family is awesome and will make sure that everything is taken care of, so that I do not have to worry about anything.
Ok, so I have rattled on and on, but I am nervous and scared (very scared). I question whether I am doing the right thing. It feels right, but I still need to question it and make sure that I have taken everything into consideration.
No comments:
Post a Comment